So This is 40
When I turned 39 I vowed to be in the best shape of my life by 40. It’s possible that I could say I hit the goal due to a minor technicality, I never said best shape of what! If I had said psychologically or personality I made it but I am still working on physically. There is something about announcing a big goal publicly…… it made it harder for me.
At the time I was on the path of being a speaker and had started a daily Facebook coaching page. My motivation was heading in the direction of following the coaches and public figures that had made “success” in the world yet something was missing. I knew what was missing but it took a very long time for me to listen. Some great things happened along the way, I met amazing people, learned valuable lessons and checked off most of my bucket list.
I took my family on our first family vacation aside from camping near home. We went to California and I overcame my fear of flying and riding rollercoasters. The truth is, I am still terrified of them and would rather not be on anything moving so fast, so I didn’t overome my fear as much as I did what Brene Brown sais, “Feel the fear and do it anyway”.
We all worked together to plan the trip and my daughter was amazing at travel planning. She figured out how to make everything we needed fit into our budget and we were able to do at least one thing that each person wanted to do. We rented a car and I actuall drove through L.A, around Hollywood and California and it was actually easier than driving in Vancouver, Canada during rush hour. I had been so afraid and in the end it was easy with the help of my daughter sitting in the front providing directions.
Podcast To University
The next big change was to rebrand the podcast to what my vision was and not what the advice of “experts” told me I had to do. I found a name that resonated with my vision and hired a talented local Mom to design my cover art. Just when I got into the groove and found where I wanted to go, I quit. That may sound crazy, I was close to “success” and beginning to receive daily email requests to be on the show along with my first sponsorship offer. But….. the podcast interviews with speakers, best selling authors and such had shown me that what I wanted was not fame, not success as an entrepreneur selling programs, it was working with people that can’t afford to pay hundreds of dollars and hour and I needed a certification in helping in trauma.
After 100 interviews I pulled the plug on the podcast for four months and went to University full time. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do it because I had dropped out when I was 19 and left a path of academic destruction behind me.
Then the Corona Virus hit, schools closed and all of the people that helped me homeschool my son couldn’t come to work with him. I had considered quitting but had a few amazing friends and family members encourage me to keep going. I prayed a lot and God brought people that helped me along the way from the most unexpected places. I ended up passing with 2 A’s and 1 A- which wasn’t bad for my first full time semester. I decided to continue podcasting part time sharing my journey but always put my family and studies first.
Despite my efforts to learn to do pullups and run again I was drained and unable to do anything for long. I decided to see a Naturopath doctor and began to invest a significant amount of time and money into curing some underlying health conditions. This picture was what my skin looked like before the treatment. It is still ongoing, but I am beginning to see improvements now. If you look at the picture above, you can see the improvement.
I has SIBO which is Small Intestine Bacteria Overgrowth and it was responsible for causing anemia and a b12 deficiency. My iron tested at 14 which meant I could barely get out of bed. I was dizzy all the time, my hair was falling out and on top of that, I live with Angina and already have chest pain ongoing to deal with.
After a few months of treatment of SIBO, I started to feel more energy and for the first time in my life, warm. My rash began to clear up slightly. It cleared up even more after my visit to the Dermatologist. He told me that on top of Rosacea, I had skin mites and prescribed cream that takes months to work. I took it daily for four months and then all the bumps on my face began to disappear. He said that skin mites are common on peoples skin that have Rosacea and that I could have even picked them up from a hotel pillowcase.
When I gave up my Life Coaching Business I had gone into a lot of debt. I had to make some hard decisions and advocate for myself to get set up to receive funding to go back to school. It was a hard decision and a hard year for my kids to as we had very little to spend until everything fell into place. This was the best lesson I ever learned in faith because some people were very concerned that I made the wrong decision yet in the end it all worked out. I am convinced that when you set out to do something that is within Gods will the path will come despite not being able to see each step ahead. Today, on my 40 th birthday, I am debt free and finishing up my first year towards my degree.
This was the year that I made the most growth personally. I finally discovered how to make my own needs a priority and take care of myself. My entire life, I worked tirelessly to make everyone happy and take care of what they needed always putting myself on the back burner. I said yes to many things and sacrificed my own time and needs. What was a fascinating discovery was learning about the enneagram. When I discovered my number and listened to a few interviews of others that had the same one, I finally understood why I struggled so much with others. I have the type that is classic ADHD, impulsiveness, millions of ideas and thoughts going through my head and difficulty with routine. Learning ways to live life embracing the best of those qualities while finding others that help to get things done was a relief. I had been trying to fit myself into a “mold” that people accept instead of living life the way I need to and making friends that accept me as I am. One of my closest “new friends” does just that, she loves me as I am yet grounds me when I start to do too many things at the same time. We compliment each other and share the love of Life Coaching and that makes for a great friendship.
This year was full of deep sadness and I finally learned to be ok with being sad. I have always been good at deflecting sadness and turning it into sunshine and rainbows but instead, I found a great counsilor that can sit with sadness, I will let him see me cry and stop cracking jokes and laughing to break the uncomforatableness. I have accepted that sadness is a big part of my life, can journal about it and still get the things I need to done each day.
In closing, I would like to share an analogy. When I moved last summer, I moved my sunflower. Everything I read said that you can’t move a sunflower yet I did and was pretty pleased at how beautiful and tall it was in August. At the end of August, I cut it down and hung it to dry. I was sure disapointed when I went to harvest the sunflowers and realized that the seeds were empty. The flower grew but it didn’t produce any food. I decided that I value the fruit over the beauty and that is my biggest aha of 40. Finding money and fame the entrepreneur way was making me feel like the sunflower, I was not doing what I felt called to do and no matter how many people assured me I was doing the right thing, I knew deep down that I wasn’t. Now that I am headed on the path leading me in the direction that I feel is right, my soul is content. When I go to sleep at night, I sleep great and I wake up excited to live the day. I hope I get the chance to live long enough to blaze another carer path, but either way, I feel pretty good right where I am.
Now, about the physical shape.… I need another year to work on that one and some grace and perhaps a personal trainer when Covid ends and we can see each other again.